Sunday, 21 August 2016

BAFBA Rules, Regulations, Terminology and Criteria (Basic).

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"BOULE" 
Metallic sphere thrown by protagonists of the game. Hence the game, 'Boules'.
- Also known as a "Cannonboule", a "Weightsheaf", a "Put-Put", a "Schwere Kugel", a "Rokpuuht" or a "Nebula" (pl. 'Nebulae').

"JACK"
The Jack, also known as a "Ballcock" or "Nubbin", is the small ball, often made of rubber or wood, used to establish a focal point for the throwing of the boules. 
- Thrown by players at will, with no limit or regulation on length / direction*.

*Sense and sportsmanship applies - see "Laxman", below.

"BASTARD" 
An entire game of (first-to-21) boules.  
- A maximum of 4 boules (and a minimum of 2) to be used per player during the Bastard. 
- NB. The 3 boules Bastard, popularised in Scandinavia, is now illegal in the UK.

"PUNNETT" 
A single 'leg' played during a Bastard. 
- Each throw of the Jack signals the start of a new Punnett. 
- Closest boule to the Jack wins the Punnett. 
- If 1 boule is closest, the player scores 1 point and they become the Jerk (see below) for the next Punnett. 
- If they win by 2 boules they score 2 points, and so on. 
- Biggest margin of victory possible is by 4 boules (see 'Fourzer', below).
- Punnetts continue until a player achieves an overall score of 21. 
- As a player must win by 2 clear points, Punnetts within a Bastard can, theoretically, be endless.
- There is a minimum of 6 Punnetts per Bastard (producing a winning score of 21-0).

"JERK"
The player currently in possession of the Jack (either the winner of the previous Punnett, or the first to Jack off in a Bastard). The Jerk is always in a powerful position.

"JACK OFF"
To throw the Jack at the start of a Punnett.

"INTROVERTED JACK OFF"
When the Jerk throws the ball behind his own and the opposing player(s) back in order to deliberately cause confusion or disorientation. Whilst still legal, the Introverted Jack Off is now widely considered a controversial and most unwelcome intervention. 
- Also known as a "Stephen Milligan", a "Milligan", or a "Mungo Jerry".


"JACK IN"
To hit the Jack with a boule during a Punnett.


Vintage footage from the Paris Invitational, 1910
(NB: The consumption of alcohol during matchtime is
now frowned upon)


"ONEZER"
Pronounced 'Wun - Zerr', this a victory in a Punnett by 1 boule. 
- Largely unremarkable, it is the narrowest winning margin in a Punnett.

"TWOZER"
Pronounced 'Too - Zerr', this is a victory in a Punnett by 2 boules.
- It is considered a pleasing result.

"THREEZER"
Pronounced 'Three - Zerr', this is a victory in a Punnett by 3 boules.
- It is considered a very pleasing result.

"FOURZER"
Pronounced 'Forr - Zerr', this is a victory in a Punnett by 4 boules. 
- Extremely rare, this is the best possible outcome for any player in a Punnett. 
- The opposing player, however irked by the humiliation, is legally obliged to applaud the opposition player if they lose by a 'Fourzer'. 

NB. In some countries (incl. Canada and Uruguay) conceding more than 3 Fourzers in a Bastard results in the compulsory purchase of a small wooden gift for the opponent's parents.

"CAMEO" 
3 consecutive Punnett wins by a singular boule (a triple Onezer).

"GATSBY"
3 consecutive Punnett wins by a 2 boule margin (a triple Twozer). Good.

"PIGEON"
3 consecutive Punnett wins by a 3 boule margin (a triple Threezer). Very good.

"ROYAL PIGEON" 
3 consecutive Punnett wins by a 4 boule margin (a triple Fourzer).
- Also known as 'The Holy Grail of Boules'. Exceptional.

"JAFFA"
A particularly wise, skillful or pleasing throw, to be applauded by all and sundry.

"COBBLER"
A particularly poor or ill-judged throw, that is subsequently derided by your opponent. 
- Also known as a "Dripper", a "Douche" or a "Corn-hound".


Jo-Wilfried 'Buzz' Cardiac with his signature move
'The Pilgrim Fader'

"LEAMINGTON HANDY"
When a player throws or lobs the boule high enough to ensure that the boule remains wholly stationary upon impact with the playing surface. Usually incorporated whilst performing on sandy or excessively muddy terrain, though occasionally also attempted on more traditional surfaces.

"BORDEAUX"
To apply enough back-spin to the airborne boule so that it double-backs towards the jack upon impact with the playing surface.

"HASSELBACH"
To apply enough side-spin to the airborne boule so that it swings noticeably to the left or the right upon impact with the playing surface. - Also known as a "Dingle", a "Raven", or a "Continental Cleft".

"WINKLE"
To intentionally strike an opposing player's boule during a Punnett.

"ROYAL WINKLE"
To strike an opposing player's boule and then the Jack in one motion (a 'Winkle' followed by a 'Jack in').
- Extremely tricky, but impressive move - often used to dislodge an opponents boule that is already 'Jacked in' (touching the Jack). 


"CROWBAR"
The final nebula of a Punnett.

"MANSON"
An unidentified obstacle between the players and the Jack during a Punnett.

"ROYAL MANSON"
When the unidentified obstacle between the players and the Jack during a Punnett turns out to be a remote stool.


"GROBAN" 
Common term for 'Textbook' length of jack thrown. A traditional, steady, classic distance favoured by the purists of the game, and by fans of regular conformist boules/petanque.

"MAXI-GROBAN" 
An extended 'Groban' (by approx. 5 - 10 feet). Made famous by Chastity Darling, who favours the throw when on song.

"SPICED WATER CANNON" 
A particularly long throw, longer than a 'Maxi-Groban' (by approx. 10 feet). Often utilised if a tennis ball or malt roll is used as a jack. Traditionally thrown by the 'Jerk' in an aggressive skidding motion - very unpopular with players aged 65 and over.

"LAXMAN" 
The furthest throwing length physically possible by a Jerk. A highly controversial jack length banned in Normandy, Somerset, Haiti and Wigan. A Jerk must announce his intent to project a Laxman before releasing the jack (the only time one must inform an opponent of one's intentions). 

NB. The use of a Laxman has sparked violent scenes at several events over the last 20 years, and famously led to a messy disqualification in the final of 'The Broughborough Identical' in 1997, when Ulsterman Conway 'Broken Record' Glenn refused to state his intentions before throwing 5 successive Laxmans.

"PETERHOUSE" 
A short (often pathetically so) throw of the jack.

"SCHNEIDER" 
Short range throw, middle distance between a 'Peterhouse' and a 'Groban'. Favoured by children, and the elderly.




BAFBA Headquarters, Heehaw Lodge, UK




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